Never Letting Her Go
by Now Entering The Twilight Zone
Summary: "Don't call it a cowards escape, she was stronger than you know. She may be gone, but I will still kill you if you speak badly of my wife." Sasuke threatened anyone who dared try to kick him while he was down.


"My past isn't something I've always been proud of, I have to say. There are moments in which I'd gladly do over. But it was after the war, after everything settled down, that I thought I was the luckiest person on earth. That was, and still is, the best part of my life so far. Growing up with Itachi was fun and all, but the relationship with my Dad wasn't exactly amazing…then after our clan…after I sorted things out with my brother, things got worse. Everything until that point felt like everyone was against me. I was alone. I was in pain. But, hey, I'm still here, yes? So something must have gone good. And not just good. It was heavenly…

I don't remember when it started, all I remember is that one day I woke up and was overwhelmed with the amount of emotion that I had apparently been ignoring striving for my attention.

I suppose you want me to describe her to you, don't you?

Well, she had bright pink hair. Like her sister, Sakura. Same length, too. Except she had two small pig tails either side of her head, and a choppy fringe that only just stopped above her eyes.

Didn't help that she was a head shorter than me, so if I wanted to look her in the eyes, I'd have to lean over, or hold her chin up. But the mild amount of effort was worth it, I tell you that now. Those stunning green eyes that seemed to always be so full of life, which always had a shine to them even if it was dark. She used to say that she hated the colour of her eyes. "They look the colour of mucus, how can you like these stupid things?" Ha…she always was so stubborn…

And the way her nose scrunched up when she was embarrassed or annoyed? Sometimes I'd say things to purposefully embarrass her just to see her make that adorable face…it wasn't all that hard to do, but it was a great achievement if I got her to blush. It was so rare to see that faint pink dust her cheeks like that, I still remember how it looked the time I saw it, clear as day. Trust me, if you'd seen how it looked, you'd have fallen head over heels for her that instant.

Her personality, how to describe it…wondrous? Captivating? Far different from her sister, obsessive, manipulative, and generally irritating. No, she was far more boisterous, but in a good way. She'd always express herself in any way she wanted, if anyone bullied her or harassed her, they'd have to live down the shame of her sharp wit spitting sarcastic or general insults at them. She had a certain way with words that, depending on how she used them, made you either feel ashamed for upsetting her, or euphoric for making her feel happy. The few times I'd made her feel down because of something stupid I said, that passive aggression of hers made me feel terrible…you know when you accidentally step on a dogs tail or something, and they run off, so the first thing you want to do is chase after it and apologise and pet it and feed it treats because you feel so bad for hurting it? Yeah, like that, in a way.

But her smile…her smile would brighten my darkest days. If I'd had a rough day, I swear she'd spend the entire day just to come and find me and make some sort of attempt to cheer me up. Though I do admit to pretending some days, and dragging out my upset phase for longer than they were. I always thought that if I made it seem like it was something small, then she'd leave soon after.

Her clothes? She wore the same as her sister on most days, considering they were identical, and their mother didn't want to spend too much on clothing. Somehow she managed to pull off the complete pink look. It suited her far better than Sakura. The pink dress she would wear just seemed to hug her in all the right places, but Sakura's looked all wrong if she stood next to her.

Though the times when she went casual, and wore what she bought, she was bewitching. You couldn't take your eyes off of her. It was usually a "gothic" style dress. Corset front, large ribbon on her lower back, frilled edges, lacy, poofed out skirt. You should have seen her, she really did look beautiful…so beautiful…

Hmm, and those times she beat me during sparring. Completely unfair, I couldn't help that when she got close my heart would beat faster, or that I'd have to hide a blush every time she said something that could be taken as an innuendo. I never told you, did I? About one time she almost punched me in the face with her chakra fist, but she diffused the chakra at the last moment when she realised how close it was to my face. I felt the back of her hand caress my cheek, ever so gently brushing my hair back. Of course she won after that, I was so lighted headed I nearly fainted.

I couldn't help it, I was completely infatuated with her. Every time she was near, I could feel myself get tense. If she spoke to me, my heart would skip a beat. I'm just thankful that she never picked up on my stuttering whenever she pulled me somewhere by my hand. Knowing her, I would have never lived it down.

Though it's true, no matter how cheesy, I was head over heels in love with her. She was the epiphany that…I don't know, matured me. It'll happen to you, too. One day. But, you know, if I sit back and reflect on it all, I still love her. So much. I can feel my chest long for hers against it again. I feel the need to know her scent again, to hold her one more time. To have her smile that smile of hers, and to hear her laugh..."

"But where's Mummy now?" Bright, innocent green eyes glinted up into his saddened black orbs. A large pale hand reached out to brush the wisps of pink hair that had fallen out of the butterfly clip in the middle of her hair, placing a soft kiss onto her equally pale face. Her tiny hands clasped around the paws of the teddy she was holding, the one her mother had made her when she was sick. Her mother had told her that the teddy would fight off her flu, and would protect her from any more nasty illnesses that tried to hurt her again. It was scruffy now, an ear had fallen off, with a shoddy attempt of stitching it back on after many tears before bedtime. The small child wore a large shirt, far too big for her, almost reaching her feet, and was a worn pink colour to match her hair.

A faint shudder passed through Sasuke's body, and knelt down to bury his face into the tiny lady's hair. Breathing raggedly through his mouth, he tugged her nearer, placing her on his lap. Sasuke wrapped his thin arms around her, holding her close.

"Mummy went to her special place. She decided she didn't like it here, so she went away. Now, some people would say she was a coward for choosing to go to her special place, but don't you dare think that's true. Natsumi was the strongest girl I've ever met, she had a lot of problems that not many people knew about. Ok? So don't you go around believing what they say about her…"

Despite the fact that she had seen nor even heard before that she had a sister, the tiny lady seemed calm, if she were older many would say it was a comforting calm, one that made others calm with her. Many would say she was just like her mother in that aspect.

"But where is she? Can't we just go and see her?" A muffled voice asked from his chest.

"She went to where your older sister went, and your Auntie Sakura. You'll meet her there one day. Eventually. We'll both meet her. But not yet. We both have to wait a bit before we can go and see her."

Silence resumed between the both of them, as they sat there. Sasuke's bedroom light was off, but the bulb in the hallway shone through the open door.

Even though he'd tried his best to hide it, little Sae could still see the glistening trails on her father's face.

Even though he'd squeezed his eyes shut, the hot tears still escaped.

Even though he held their daughter close, the trembles of his body still racked his body.

Even though he'd tried so hard to make her happy again, it didn't work.

"Is she happy?"

"Huh?" A slightly chocked sound came from his throat out of surprise.

"Mummy. Is she happy where she is?" Her calm voice rung out at him.

"U-um…yes…yes, Natsumi is very happy where she is now. She's got your big sister and her own sister to keep her company. I bet she's even met up with my brother by now. Perhaps he's introduced her to my family."

He felt a gentle hand brush his dark hair from his face. A warm, damp cloth dabbed at the trails left on his face. A pair of delicate lips daintily placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Don't worry, you can sleep longer if you like, I was just cleaning you up a little." She spoke softly. Her hand smelt like cherries, and her voice was the one he had grown so used to over the years, the only voice that could calm him, make him feel happy from just a "hello".

Cracking open his eyes slightly, not too much as the sunlight threatened to blind him, she saw a flash of pink hair framing a round face. A glisten of green fluttered into vision occasionally.

"Oh! Sorry, I should close them…" And just like that, the blinding morning sunlight was dimmed.

He felt the skip of his heart as warmth spread over him. Natsumi was treating his wounds from a mission, and he'd fallen asleep on the chair because he didn't want to wake her getting into bed. A smile broke across his face. Sae was still in bed, apparently. Otherwise she would have jumped all over him by now, begging him to show her some special jutsu to learn for school.

For the first time in what seemed like years, Sasuke was relaxed. He let the tension go. The worries slipped his mind as all he could think about was his Natsumi being in his reach, unlike in that terrifying nightmare. He shuddered at the thought. The feelings that he remembered. How he'd hate to live in a world like that.

But today was different. He knew how it would feel all too well. Now he was going to go up to her, and hold her close. Closer than he ever had before, he'd cover her in butterfly kisses, he'd laugh with her, he'd see her smile. He'd bury his head in her hair and smell the cherry shampoo she always used.

Upon opening his eyes, he felt cold.

Sae was leaning over the chair's arm, damp cloth still in hand, as her large green eyes stared expectantly at him. He could hear the growl of her stomach. The clip Natsumi would wear when painting was still in her hair, but falling out a little, hardly holding any hair back anymore.

He wanted to fall asleep again.

He wanted to dream of her again.

He wanted to see her.

He wanted to be with her.

'Let me back, let me back, let me back.'

"Daddy? Mummy said she wants to talk to you. She says she doesn't have much time left to be able to do so. Please, Daddy, come on, come to the kitchen, she's there."

Sasuke fluttered his eyes as he was brought to the kitchen in a daze. He was confused. Where…was he? What year? What time? He didn't understand. His sharingan kept activating and deactivating by itself. His legs fumbled about underneath him. Suddenly he was in the kitchen. He needed to sit. His legs wouldn't work properly, he had no energy, he wanted to collapse and go to sleep again.

"Look, Daddy! Mummy's here!" The tiny lady with the bright red eyes yelled excitedly. The first comma of black broke through as she stared into nothingness, and empty space beside her. The smile feel from her face.

"Oh. Mummy says you can't see her…she has to talk through me…" Tears welled in his eyes once again. This wasn't fair. He didn't understand anything anymore. First Natsumi was manic depressed, then she was cured, then Riko died, the she was depressed again, the Sakura died, the Natsumi died. Maybe Sasuke should die, too, that seems to work for a lot of people.

Everything was a mess, a jumble. Sae stormed across to his slouching corpse and straightened him out, and slapped him.

"Daddy! Mummy said she only has a limited time to talk and you decide to take a nap? Priorities! You can nap later, when Mummy isn't trying to tell you something important! Wake up!" Sasuke grumbled and moaned and he didn't want to move he couldn't move he had to rely on Sae to hold him up but he couldn't think straight it was just Sae where was Natsumi where was she he needed her where was she…

Sae cleared her throat:

"Hello, Sasuke. It's me, I know Sae already told you, but to catch your attention and such. I'm doing fine, in answer to your question. I heard you ask it. I'm sorry I never got the chance to say before. And I'm sorry I had to leave. I just couldn't take it. I was always mentally weak, and you know it…I know you tried to help, too. And I'm thankful. I know I was loved, an-"

"You still are…" A croaky voice only just managed out. Tears dripped onto the wooden floor.

"Oh, Sasuke…I know…but I'm running out of time now, so I'll make it quick. I met your family. They were very nice to Sakura, Riko and I. Itachi wanted to know how you were, but I said you were fine. I didn't want to worry him with anything….huh? Mummy? Where did you go? Mummy?" Sae called out, suddenly confused.

A matured voice sung out, filling Sasuke with warmth, he felt the nerves return in his body. It was the voice, her voice, the voice that sung him to sleep every night. The voice that he swore he heard whisper sweet nothings into his ear during the early hours of the morning. But this was it, the last thing she would ever say in this world. She wanted to make it count. She wanted it to be something that would disprove all worries. She wanted to console him one last time, the way she did the first time he couldn't move from despair. The first time she told him, and the first time she'd made him feel on top of the world. It was with her last push of reserved chakra and energy that she managed to whisper out her words, so quite that he wouldn't have heard if he wasn't listening for her beforehand. It was so faint, yet it brought back so many happy memories. It brought back that burning feeling in his chest. The feeling that he was on top of the world again. With her. As a family.

"I love you, Sasuke."

"I love you, too, Natsumi."


End file.
